Wednesday, February 27, 2013

An Open Letter To My Size 8 Pants.

Dear Pants,

Thank you.  For your size eightness. For the miracle of buttoning around my waist with ease.
For being Gap and fully lined. Thank you for your stylish cuff at the bottom.  Thank you for being grey and not black. I do not have black chinos on and this should be counted as the second miracle.

I didn’t expect you to fit. But you did, you did size 8.  You do.  
You came, you fit. Sigh. Bliss.
For what reason do I deserve this visit? 
Is it my Lean Cuisine lunches?
My giving up of brownies?  
My feeble attempt at shunning cheeseburgers?  They are my favorite you know.

My Fabulous Gap size 8 Lined Grey Slacks that fit; I bought you months ago at Goodwill for most likely $2.99.  I slipped you into my cart because occasionally 10’s were baggy-ish and I abhor flappy ass pants.  Saggy ass pants – not good.  At the time, the waistline I possessed wasn’t deserving enough of you.
But this morning, in desperation and utter determination not to wear black pants, my trembling hand reached for the 8’s.  And eureka!  The miracle.

Because I cannot wear good ass jeans to work, you truly are the consolation prize.
I will beam with pride and determination as I stand by the microwave heating up my buttersquash ravioli.  I will not pinch myself with disgust because I gave away 
an entire box of Girl Scout Samoa’s.
Yes, I did that.  I. gave. them. away.  I swear I only ate 1. (this should be the third miracle.)

You even allowed me to button the stupid inner waist button that always annoys me.
Even it does not elude me today.

Thank you again and I trust we will meet again soon.
Please bring your friends.

xo jeanne.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Coffee's good. Naps are better.

I have wacky thoughts that run through my mind.
(too much caffeine?) 
In order to get them to stop running, I make them into things.
Like this. Save, Print and Enjoy.
                                           Then take a nap.

Or, have a cup of coffee. Either one.
Nap. Coffee. Nap. 
(while we wait for garage sale season.)
xo jeanne

Friday, February 22, 2013

Earrings, Sunglasses & Gloves.

I’m a stud only, no dangly earring girl. I like little fake diamonds. I buy them. They are sparkly.  They instantly dress me up. I am thrilled.  After a few weeks, I lose them. This is my MO.

I’ve heard that if you lose something than it never really should have been yours in the first place.  If this is true than the universe does not want me to wear earrings, sunglasses or gloves.
I have good faith in cuteness. I buy these items. I think “Yes! I can do it. I can wear this pair of earrings, place them back in an easy spot, and find them again. You go girl!”  I try. I really do. But alas, after a few weeks, I end up with bare ears, squinty eyes and cold hands. This is generally not a good look. This is why I can never allow myself the luxury of real diamond earrings.  They’d voluntarily drop from my earlobes.

I see women with glossy lips and fabulous sunglasses. I want to be these women. They look fantastic.

I buy “UV Protection” because my mother preached the dangers of nonUV-ness to me as a child.  Even at 46, if I buy a pair without it, somehow she will surely know.
I buy a fabulous pair.  When I wear them, I look like a dork. Like a bug. My lips may be glossy but my head transforms into an unstylish mess.  And then I can’t see.  I spend half the time putting them on and taking them off again until I get it right.  I inevitably break them. I have 12 pairs of broken ugly bug glasses strewn in my car.  No matter how I seek sunglass couth, I remain couthless.

Gloves. I swear there are 16,000 single gloves in my home. I have 4 children. We have not one set of matching gloves.  It’s -5 outside and at 7:00 am we are scavengers looking for a damn purple glove.  There are 11 million blue ones, black ones and pink ones but not one frick frackin’ matching one.
I alone am guilty too. Gloves mock me and run like hell from my pockets and purses. My children have given up completely. Their hands are basically frozen from November to April.

It’s ridiculous. I tend to lose these three items constantly.
Not just a temporary “oh, that’s where I left it.”
But gone forever lost, never to be seen again. Ever.  
A huge stash of fake studs, an oddly large array of sunglasses and an even odder and larger pile of gloves might one day be recovered.  At my wake, they will say:
“You know, that Jeanne sure was fabulous, but lordy, she had odd collections.”

Xo Jeanne.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Do it Anyway.

 A graphic to spur you on,
 push you forward & help you believe you CAN.

Right click, save and print. 
 fear, step aside.

Thank you Graphics Fairy for that fabulous key.
May it unlock many adventures.

xo jeanne

Sunday, February 10, 2013

You Drive Me Wild.

I saw a trellis a few weeks ago at an antique shop.
It had the perfect mix of chippy and age.  It was $24.  And I left it there.
After about a week of dreaming about my old chippy trellis, 
I came to my senses and went back and bought it. 
I could see it hanging no where else but on my mantle.

Next, I came across three 1950's magazine ads at Goodwill. 
3 ads right out of a magazine, someone had badly framed.
I scooped them up.  

I saw it in my head: Valentine, you drive me wild.

I reframed the ads from my own frame stash and ditched the glass. Glare bugs me.
The 'kiss me' was a stumble upon moment at Michael's. $2 a letter. Sold.
I strung it across the whole thing with twine anchored to the trellis.

Oh, yeah.
'Valentine, You Drive Me Wild.'
I designed it and painted it. Bam.
How can you not love the trellis? 
I saw it and got trellisitis for a week. I had trellis fever. 
Trellisitis led to Mantleitis.
Which eventually led to Drive-Me-Wilditis.
Now I am cured, because it turned out fabulous. 
It's okay. It's my blog. I can love myself.

(oh. my. goodness. I crack myself up!)

Sorry kids, I just couldn't do pink and roses.
Tell someone you love them.
xo jeanne.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

My Letter Painting Zen.

I don't actually ride around on the bus all day stalking strange people. 
It's one of the things I silently do while on my way to making a living every day. 
(shhh, don't tell.  you'll blow my cover!)

Enough of my people observing past time and back to my other favorite thing: Painting. 
I've been busy the past few weeks doing some fun jobs. 

The first: Scrabble Letters.
They're big. 3"x3".  Made for a family and to be hung on their wall.
In the shape of a Scrabble game, of course.  Stay tuned for pics in their new happy home.

The second: A Family Sign.
This is for a very lovely family. 
I hope it brings comfort to their home and hearts.
They deserve it.
The third:  Ten!
My youngest project turned 10. 
Where does the time go?

More projects in the works. 
Wait till you see my Valentine idea.
Fab. Worth the wait. I promise.

xo jeanne.

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