Wednesday, February 27, 2013

An Open Letter To My Size 8 Pants.

Dear Pants,

Thank you.  For your size eightness. For the miracle of buttoning around my waist with ease.
For being Gap and fully lined. Thank you for your stylish cuff at the bottom.  Thank you for being grey and not black. I do not have black chinos on and this should be counted as the second miracle.

I didn’t expect you to fit. But you did, you did size 8.  You do.  
You came, you fit. Sigh. Bliss.
For what reason do I deserve this visit? 
Is it my Lean Cuisine lunches?
My giving up of brownies?  
My feeble attempt at shunning cheeseburgers?  They are my favorite you know.

My Fabulous Gap size 8 Lined Grey Slacks that fit; I bought you months ago at Goodwill for most likely $2.99.  I slipped you into my cart because occasionally 10’s were baggy-ish and I abhor flappy ass pants.  Saggy ass pants – not good.  At the time, the waistline I possessed wasn’t deserving enough of you.
But this morning, in desperation and utter determination not to wear black pants, my trembling hand reached for the 8’s.  And eureka!  The miracle.

Because I cannot wear good ass jeans to work, you truly are the consolation prize.
I will beam with pride and determination as I stand by the microwave heating up my buttersquash ravioli.  I will not pinch myself with disgust because I gave away 
an entire box of Girl Scout Samoa’s.
Yes, I did that.  I. gave. them. away.  I swear I only ate 1. (this should be the third miracle.)

You even allowed me to button the stupid inner waist button that always annoys me.
Even it does not elude me today.

Thank you again and I trust we will meet again soon.
Please bring your friends.

xo jeanne.


  1. Oh girl I am so happy for you. Clever and so cute. I too am in the process of fitting into a smaller wardrobe... its feelin mighty fine to fit into 2006's wardrobe!

  2. Oh I know the the glory of the sudden fitting into the skinny butt pants from Goodwill. And I know how it feels to be torn away a month later when you find out your pregnant. Acck. Congratulations. It couldn't happen to a nicer lady.

  3. Hysterical and oh can I relate..
    Have a great rest of the week..

  4. Congratulations! That's the best feeling in the world. I'm in a little different letter to Size 8 pants says, "please keep fitting....I know you are stretched to the limits..." :)

  5. Well, I haven't been size 8 since back in the 90's....but I'm trying sincerely to lose 15 lbs. before my June wedding. It's only day 2 and I'm short tempered, hungry, feeling deprived, and griping about having to go to the gym. If I lose that 15...I'll fit into a 10 and that wouldn't be too shabby!

    Gloria in Virginia


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